Tonight, the 2024 Olympics begin in Paris, and for the first time in my adult life, I am entering them with optimism and an open mind. No, I am not competing, nor am I attending, or will I be watching all that much of them. But I have long been an Olympic hater. And a proud one at that. As the games approached, I decided to examine my biases—a practice we should all take on routinely. What I learned... will startle you.

That's probably not true, but it made for a good paragraph break and set-up.

So, why, while the world watched in awe at some of the greatest athletic feats, was I holding my nose, with a thumbs down and making a fart noise with my mouth? It was you, Olympic guy.

Olympic guy is mister every-four-years nationalistic pride guy. The same one who routinely talks about what a horrible country the United States is, but decides to marvel at Dressage and refer to race walkers as "real athletes".

Olympic guy has done a deep dive on all of the deep divers, and corrects you if you say synchronized swimming: "It is called artistic swimming, we do not say the S word anymore". Olympic guy is the person who knows all the countries' medal counts off the dome at any given time. That guy, yuck, peeyew, FART noise!

But it is not the passion of Olympic guy that caused my aversion to the games. It is Olympic guy's aversion to the games I am passionate about. That made me hate theirs. You see, Olympic guy feels like NBA stars are overpaid rather than understanding their market. Olympic guy loves to refer to the Super Bowl as a "sports ball game" before and after the Usher concert. Olympic guy rolls their eyes at you when they overhear you ask a bartender to put the game on, and they scoff when it's midday on a Saturday and you are asking about Virginia Tech and Vanderbilt (Clark Lea is building something down there in Nashville!)

I have long taken out my displeasure for these dorks by doing unto them as they have done unto me. Which is whack as hell!

You should be able to like what you like if you are not hurting anybody. I have always stood by that. In hating the Olympics, I have only hurt myself, letting my resentment of Olympic fans interfere with my own enjoyment of a world event. A stunning spectacle where athletes win a lifetime of glory before returning to their run-of-the-mill occupations. A competition that predates many of the countries that now compete.

I am trying to like the Olympics this year, or at the very least not voice my displeasure. I will feign interest when it is brought up in conversation; heck, I might even watch some of the events outside of basketball. Even though it does not hold a candle to any Saturday at Tiger Stadium. Enjoy the games how you see fit and please feel free to share with me any insights into how our fencing team stacks up against the rest of the world. I am listening, I am learning, and will strain my medial rectus to avoid rolling my eyes.