Boeing CEO David Calhoun plans to step down at the end of the year as part of a company-wide shakeup following recent safety problems with Boeing airplanes. While Calhoun still plans to cash out by collecting a check for the next nine months, he assures us that he has been checked out for quite some time.

Stan Deal, president, and CEO of the commercial unit, has decided to retire immediately before any additional Boeing planes encounter catastrophic newsworthy events that would feature his name. Stephanie Pope, the company’s chief operating officer, will replace Deal. Pope will enter the role with a built-in lack of accountability, having been with the company for less than three months.

Additionally, board chairman Lawrence Kellner will not stand for re-election. Kellner described his most recent day-to-day experience as "sucks" and "not fun anymore."

While some people feel Calhoun, Deal, and Kellner are rats on a sinking ship, we assure you they are closer to window-seat passengers on a brand-new Alaska Airlines 737 Max.

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