LAVAL, Quebec (CB) — A funeral for Faraj Allah Jarjour could not be held Monday as it was missing an essential person: Faraj. Faraj Allah Jarjour passed away last month in Cuba on a family vacation due to a sudden heart attack he suffered while swimming with his daughter Miriam Jarjour. Miriam has been working with the Canadian consulate and authorities in Cuba to retrieve her father's body to no avail. Making matters worse, last week Miriam believed she would finally be receiving her father. Instead, the corpse sent to them was a much younger Russian man with a full head of hair and a series of tattoos. The Jarjour family is living a nightmare after paying over seven thousand dollars, only to be left with several questions: Where is their father? And who the hell is this guy?

I would like to consider several scenarios to see if we can determine where Faraj Allah Jarjour's body is and get this funeral back on track.

The Switcheroo

It is entirely possible that Cuba has lost Faraj; they've just flat out misplaced him. Then they tried to pull a fast one by sending over a spare Vladimir they had lying around, hoping no one would notice. For all we know, Cuba has a surplus of middle-aged dead Russians they return to people when someone dies in their country. While this premise certainly seems logical, it does overlook one key step the Cuban people should/would take, and that would be returning them as cremated and then acting surprised when the family complains about the corpse's condition. "You guys sure you said you wanted the full casket? Saved a bunch on shipping."

Faraj Shakur

Walk with me for a moment. You are on a family vacation with your adult children. It is day four. Being with them as adults for an extended period, you wonder where the time went? What did these children keep you from? What are they holding you back from now? Where would you be without them? You decide to go for a swim; your daughter follows you, letting you know about their algorithm and all the TikTok trends. A plan hatches. You fake a heart attack. When the Havana boys show up, you pass out the pesos. Boom! Free Faraj, a new man setting forth on a new adventure. This scenario might be a bit more unlikely in that Faraj's body was set up in a beach chair with a towel over his head à la "Weekend at Bernie's" as they waited 8 hours for him to be transported to Havana. Still, it's nice to imagine Faraj out somewhere catching up on his reading and composing his first symphony.

Bureaucratic Incompetence

Never overestimate bureaucracy, regardless of how important the work it is doing. This body got passed around a lot. If I were to put my dead dad in the back of a Cuban Pontiac headed to Havana, I am not sure I would expect that same body to show up on my doorstep 4 weeks later. Sadly, I think the Jarjours gave far too much credit to a system they did not know during a time of devastation. I hope the body turns up, and they get free shipping to return the Ruski, and there can be a nice celebration of life for Faraj Allah Jarjour. But sadly, I fear for Faraj, and I suspect he is long gone.

AP Story