A magnet fisherman, a mysterious catch, and the beauty of the bayou. It looks like the Gumbo gumshoe has another case on his hands. I have tackled dolphin murders, booze bandits, and missing gators. But this might be my greatest challenge yet. A skull padlocked to a dumbbell. As always, we like to follow the Holmes method: Observation, Hypothesis(es), Truth.

First, the observation. What we know we know. A man was magnet fishing (searching in outdoor waters for ferromagnetic objects available to pull with a strong neodymium magnet). It was May 18th. He was fishing off the St. John's Bridge on the Bayou, better known as the Magnolia Bridge. He found a human skull padlocked to a 15-pound weight. He flagged down a police officer.

Next, we must enter our mind attics. Hypothesis(es). What we think we know based on what we know we know. Magnet fishing is a practice started by boaters looking for their keys that has evolved into people searching for treasures like guns, coins, and even bombs. May 18th is the 138th day of the year, and this year, it was a Saturday. He found a dumbbell padlocked to a skull. A skull is the head bone for the layperson, and a dumbbell is, I don't know, like a weight or something. I am not a huge gym guy. Lastly, the article does not refer to it by name, but this was the Magnolia Bridge. A historic bridge built in 1908 that connects Cabrini High School to Harding Drive and the neighborhood once known as Magnolia Gardens. You can get married there, but you need a permit.

The article is light on the details of the magnetic fisherman who found the skull, and while he did wave down a police officer, I am still evaluating him as suspect number one. Let's consider his hobby; it is a bit odd, and at the risk of offending any magnetic fishermen I have as readers, I would suggest that it seems like a murder hobby. So I put forth this: the magnetic fisherman was, in fact, a murderer. He had decomposed the body elsewhere, and it was almost all gone, but that pesky skull ( head bone) just would not go away. Sure, the jaw and top row of teeth were gone, but having it around was too much for the man. So on the 138th day of the year (a Saturday), he made the time to drop a line attached to the skull, pulled it up, and waved down a police officer to present it as someone else's.

Possible, even probable. I would at least look into this guy and check purchases for padlocks and dumbbells. I would also ask how long he had been magnetic fishing and some follow-up questions to lure him into a sense of false security that I too was interested in this murderous hobby. Then I would ask him if he ever killed a guy and padlocked a dumbbell to his skull? Seeing if I could force a confession by catching him slipping, thinking he had found a new magnet fishing friend. Before instant betrayal.

Next possibility, the body was dumped off the bridge. Currents and depth on the river suggest that a 15-pound dumbbell would not travel very far down that portion of the bayou. So, it is likely whatever was found had not started far from the Magnolia Bridge. However, with the amount of community events and weddings that take place on the bridge, it seems like it would be difficult to sneak in a body dumping.

Finally, and again, I am light on fitness knowledge, but maybe someone could check the TikTok trends and see if this was a fitness trend designed to strengthen the neck and traps, possibly a "shoulders for boulders" workout that was ill-advised, in which you padlock a weight to your skull and swim in a river. Again, I have not heard of such a thing, but workout culture and the youth are weird. People will do strange things for their gains, so let's look into that one as well.

The truth is likely a combination of the two. The man, who we can call the magnetic fisherman, did dump the skull with the dumbbell. But he did not murder this person. He had simply been helping them train at his home gym when the padlocked skull dumbbell exercise went awry, and he had to stash the body behind his home gym. The body had almost fully decomposed, but he was looking to put his house on the market. It should sell well as it was complete with a home gym and not far from the famous Magnolia Bridge, a Louisiana landmark. So he dug back up the dumbbell and skull and grabbed his strong neodymium magnet and headed to the bridge, casting the dumbbell with the skull attached into the water. It became detached, and he panicked before pulling up a gun and a barrel, good magnetic fishing finds, but he was waiting to flag down an officer with a skull and would likely have to give those up as well. Still, it might help his alibi, so he continued to cast until he found his skull and waved down an officer. With an "oh boy" and an "ah geez," he presented his find as unusual to return home and list his home complete with a home gym near the Louisiana landmark Magnolia Bridge.

Another simple solve from the Gumbo gumshoe. I will contact the New Orleans Police to share my working theory, and then I will take a long drag of a cigarette and a slow sip of a bourbon as I contemplate what kind of world we are in when you would think that padlocking a dumbbell to your skull is going to get you those summer shoulders.

New Orleans Historical. (n.d.). Magnolia Bridge. https://neworleanshistorical.org/items/show/231

Hutchinson, B. (2023, May 19). New Orleans mystery after human skull padlocked to dumbbell pulled from bayou. ABC News. https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/new-orleans-mystery-human-skull-padlocked-dumbbell-pulled-110655125

Wikipedia contributors. (2023, May 14). May 18. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/May_18