Delaying Democracy: Maine’s Flag Fiasco

The Maine state Senate voted 20-13 in favor of L.D. 471, a bill that would delay a referendum to change Maine's state flag. This bill delays the referendum from being on the ballot in November 2024 to 2026 and proposes a five-person committee that could cost an additional $266,000 to make a decision on an official state flag…

How did we get here?

 Let's not try and dive into the insanity of 20 of 33 state senators thinking a committee and a quarter-million dollars is needed to let the public make a decision on their flag. But into this dubious design dispute to begin with. Well, that, my friends, would take us back to 1909 when the flag was originally changed from the simpler star and pine to the much more elaborate flag. One that features: a farmer, a sailor, a star, a moose lounging under a pine tree, and the word "Dirigo" (Latin for "I lead" or "I direct") – on a blue background. The blue background was important to the Maine Legislature as 80% were Civil War veterans or sons of Civil War veterans.

(Bonus: Ballad of the 20th Maine)

So why change back? 

Well, the current Maine flag looks almost identical to 20 other state flags, making it indistinguishable and not very popular with Mainers themselves. 

In 2017, The Maine Flag Co. started to individually sew the original 1901 flag and has since sold 9,000 flags, hats, pillows, and bags. Skowhegan-based Maine Stitching Specialties began making flags as well in 2018 and have sold over 10,000. The popularity of the previous state flag prompted two bills that made their way through committee review: L.D. 86 and L.D. 1069. The number of sales and the desire to set the state apart at least warrant the public's perspective on the matter. Which is why this would have made it to the ballot in November.

Are there people who even oppose the possibility of change? 

Of course, there are; this is still America, and goddamn if we don't disagree with each other with the best of them. Critics of the change have cited tradition and a "woke" agenda. I could not find anything from these critics, but Rep. Eric Brakey was quoted in August with some insight: "People are saying it's a woke effort to take the farmer and the sailor off the flag and make it gender-neutral," Brakey disagrees with that sentiment. But, "people are saying" and "woke agenda" are not uncommon statements when it comes to meaningless political issues like updating a state flag. They are the most popular dog whistles for someone who would like to be a big dumb, hateful idiot who fears progress in any form.

Since I could not find what the people who are saying or even really who these people are, let's imagine what "the people are saying..." who are saying for a moment:

"By removing two white males from the flag, one a farmer, the other a sailor, Maine's agricultural industry and fishing industry will fall. Without having these fellas on the flag, how the hell will young Mainers even know that these careers are possibilities?! Furthermore, for those people suffering from the woke mind virus, does representation no longer matter? Maine is currently home to the highest moose population in the lower 48 states. We take the moose off the flag, they are going to be up and out of here real quick! Making the flag just a pine tree and the north star. How about we just update it to 'gender-affirming care welcome here,' goddammit!" - A “person who was saying”. 

To be clear, this flag change would not come with an obligation to fly the new flag or any flag for that matter. It is a simple, straightforward ballot measure that lets us participate in the representation of our state. And it certainly does not require two more years, five other people, and a fourth of a Regis Philbin Prize for us to decide.

Bangor's Booze Burglar

Portage Lake man accused of stealing a cart full of alcohol from Bangor Walmart

Police say the man showed a knife when employees tried to stop him from leaving the store, but the suspect denies it. BANGOR, Maine — A man was arrested at the Bangor Walmart for robbery Saturday night. On March 23, around 5 p.m., Bangor police arrested 19-year-old Niri Scott of Portage Lake after he allegedly showed a knife to Walmart employees while attempting to leave the store with a shopping cart full of alcohol, the Bangor Police Department said in a Tuesday news release. According to officials, employees saw Scott push the cart into the parking area of a nearby business and get into a vehicle. When police eventually stopped the vehicle on Hogan Road, the suspect was no longer in it.  Scott was found a short time later behind a business on Hogan Road where he admitted to stealing the alcohol but denied brandishing a knife, Bangor police Sergeant Jason Ambley said. Approximately $300 of alcohol was recovered. Scott was charged with Robbery, a class B felony and he was transported to Penobscot County Jail, according to the release.

While perusing periodicals this morning, I encountered a story from the good folks of News Center Maine that left me with far more questions than answers. In an attempt to uncover additional details about this incident, I was quickly swept up in what could possibly be the most widespread cover-up ever perpetrated by the Walton Family.

From the article, here is what we know we know, what we think we know, and what the article leaves us all to wonder, and fortunately for you as the reader, what I was able to uncover.

What We Know We Know: Bangor has both a Walmart and a Police Department. They also have at least one business on Hogan Road (although my thorough research would bring to light that there are actually several businesses on this street). Alcohol was stolen in a shopping cart. What is curious about the facts detailed in this article is how vague they are, which is likely why my interest was piqued.

First, why not mention that this Walmart is, in fact, a Walmart Supercenter? Which would mean it is typically open 24 hours, is bigger, and has groceries and a vision center.

Next, why not include the origin of the name Hogan Road is, in fact, famed wrestler and sex tape star Terry Gene Bollea? (Editor's note: Calls to Bangor's town office were unable to confirm this).

Lastly, $300 worth of alcohol was recovered. How much was stolen?

What We Think We Know: Niri Scott allegedly brandished a knife during the robbery, and a shopping cart was used to transport the alcohol in question. However, this knife seems to be the point of dispute between Scott and Walmart SUPERCENTER employees, who were unwilling to put their names on their claim (a common practice, I would come to learn). If Paul Hogan taught us anything, and I would like to think he would want us to honor his memory by holding onto it: Not all knives are, in fact, knives! (Editor's note: Paul Hogan is not dead).

What we are left to wonder: After reading this article, what left me scratching my head to the scalp was this…What kind of alcohol was Niri Scott stealing?

 I reached out to the Bangor Walmart SUPERCENTER to find out.

After navigating an elaborate IVR, I was eventually able to reach a representative and identify myself as the hard-hitting, fact-finding journalist, blogger, reporter, and correspondent for CriticCal.com, with two C's, well, three, but two in the middle. The representative was really caught up on the C's thing, and I think this confusion got us off on the wrong foot.

I asked if they were aware of the alleged theft that had taken place on the 23rd, to which they responded, "No. I don't really work Saturdays." Stonewalled, I persisted, asking if it was possible to speak with someone who would have more knowledge of the crime committed. The representative, still refusing to identify themselves, informed me that they did not think this was a good use of their time, said goodbye, and disconnected. Another dead-end, although it was kind of them to say goodbye before disconnecting, unlike the lady at Bangor's town office, who refused to confirm Hogan Street being named after Hulk Hogan and hung up on me.

And so, I was left to spin my wheels and glean my own conclusion based on my gut, and tireless internet research. This is how I am fairly certain it went:

Niri Scott, a 19-year-old from a town of 359 with a lake that has a median depth of 10 feet that you can swim in, entered a Walmart SUPERCENTER. They did, in fact, get a shopping cart (based on the quantity of alcohol alleged to be stolen, this must be true).

Scott headed to the back of the store with intent and used their 19-year-old judgment to select just over $300 worth of booze. At 19, Scott likely has piss-poor taste in alcohol, and given the volume taken one can assume they were attempting to stock up for a house party. Scott took the first available liquor bottles based on their age and bestsellers for that location; those would be Tito's, Captain Morgan, and Jack Daniel's.

Scott then rolled their shopping cart to the beer area a bit faster now, as they had attracted the watchful eye of patrons who could determine they were likely not of age.

 Scott wheeled past the Bud Light to Coors Light (being from a town of 359 in northern Maine, we can determine Niri Scott's likely politics). With two 30-packs of Coors ($26.73 each), 4 handles of Tito's ($34.99 each), two handles of Captain Morgan's spiced rum ($28.99 each), and a bottle of Jack Daniel's ($41.99). This totals $293.39 before tax and deposit. Niri wheeled their cart towards the front. The cart had one of those wonky wheels that pulled in one direction, as virtually every shopping cart does. 

This wonky wheel coupled with Scott’s baby face and bounty of booze drew the attention of the unnamed Walmart SUPERCENTER employee, who questioned the young man's motives.

Scott blew past the man without brandishing a knife and unloaded the alcohol into their accomplice's car. Before driving the 0.5 miles and parking behind Herbal Tea & Tobacco / The 420 Shop. Here the young men indulged in their score before Sergeant Jason Ambley showed up. They had had two beers and tried some of the Jack Daniel's straight from the bottle, which was not to their liking. Scott’s accomplice would leave him then before being caught almost immediately and giving up his friend. 

When Sergeant Ambley showed up behind the Hogan road business and searched for the knife, there was none to be found, as this cowardly Walmart SUPERCENTER employee had embellished the tale in front of his superior so as to not make them appear inept at store security.

And so, there you have it. What perhaps transpired in Bangor, Maine, on the afternoon of March 23rd. The uncertainties of that day will forever haunt me, as will the tone of that city official, but I hope this article has brought you some peace.