Reggie Returns

A nation's nightmare concludes and rationalism has returned. The Heisman Trust is returning Reggie Bush's 2005 Heisman trophy after 14 years. The Trust announced Wednesday that they would be reinstating Reggie's Heisman immediately and returning the trophy to him as well as  its replica to USC. The Trust cited the "enormous changes in the college football landscape," as well as the 2021 Supreme Court case against the NCAA that challenged the amateur athletic model and paved the way for student-athlete compensation.

Reggie took the high road with a released statement to ESPN, sharing, "Personally, I'm thrilled to reunite with my fellow Heisman winners and be a part of the storied legacy of the Heisman Trophy, and I'm honored to return to the Heisman family." Fellow Heisman winners like Johnny Manziel and former teammate Matt Leinart had been outspoken about the injustice of Bush's Heisman stripping.

With Bush rejoining the Heisman family, we should get some spectacular Heisman House commercials this fall. We can also turn our attention back to other sports injustices like the exclusion of steroid users from the Baseball Hall of Fame, Monday after the Super Bowl not being a national holiday, and Tony Romo.

The UNDERcomfortable Truth

What I am about to present to you about the NBA playoffs is both shocking and disturbing. The following blog post might make you consider me different as a sports fan, a man, and a sports entertainment enthusiast. If you are drinking a hot beverage, operating heavy machinery, or holding sharp objects, I ask you to stop reading. I would also like to ask about your blog reading routines because they sound fascinating. Okay, coffee down? Shears away? Forklift parked?

NBA Playoff unders are a red-hot trend. This postseason, the under is 9-2 through the first eleven games, 7-0 in the last seven. During the regular season, teams' offensive rating (points per 100 possessions, basically points per game) was 115.3, putting NBA regular season overall point totals at 230.6 points scored in a regular season game. Through the first eleven games of the playoffs, that number has dropped drastically by 29 points. The average points scored per game this postseason is 201.54. Why is this the case? Will this trend self-correct? And are you really asking me to take the under?! All fair questions you might be asking after the first two paragraphs.

First, the answer is pretty simple. It's the Playoffs. It means defenses ramp up, players try harder, and when the lights are a bit brighter, the rim can be a bit smaller. There are also some notable injuries to some of the league's best remaining scorers. Giannis, Zion, and Jimmy Butler have all not played in the postseason.

Betting trends can be profitable. But as they say, there's a reason they keep putting up skyscrapers in the desert. Sportsbooks are aware of these things, and while they are setting a total and a spread that could be accurate to what will happen in a game, sportsbooks are more concerned about it being attractive. With the widespread legalization of sports betting, more Americans this year will bet on the NBA postseason than ever before. Which is why I think the under train can stay on the tracks. People like points. Overs are like ice cream, Althea, or sunshine. Universally loved. The masses will continue to bet them even if they are losing because it is what they want to see.

I am not asking you to bet NBA unders. Under bets are some of the least fun sweats there are in sports betting. You never win until it's done, and you can lose at any point prior to the final whistle. It's uncomfortable, it's no fun, and that, my friends, are the elements of a good bet.

Criminal (Heat) Culture shows up in Game One at The Garden

Caleb Martin belongs in jail. The Celtics defeated the Heat 114-94 on Sunday afternoon behind Jayson Tatum's triple-double and exorcised some of their 4th quarter demons. But the story Sunday was not the wire-to-wire dominance or the absence of Heat star Jimmy Butler.

Following the game on Sunday, the conversation was about scumbag small forward Caleb Martin. Martin, in the final minute of the game, launched himself at Tatum's knees while Tatum was in the air, causing a scary fall that resulted in no injuries but two technical fouls. As Tatum sprang up, Jaylen Brown pushed Martin away from the star before sharing some thoughts about the play with Martin and being separated. Tatum made both free throws on the other end but not before thanking Jaylen for not letting the play stand.

After the game, Tatum dismissed the play as playoff basketball against a physical team. Martin denied his intent, claiming that momentum caused him to launch at Tatum's legs while Tatum was in the air. Bazooka Joe shared the most endearing and on-brand thoughts about the event, "I was excited about the whole thing. I enjoyed watching it." No disciplinary action was assigned by the league, and we will have to wait until Wednesday to see how the Celtics respond.

Krafty: How Bob Hurt Bill

I stood by Kraft in 2019 when it was revealed he liked to frequent Orchids of Asia Massage Parlor. I excused the behavior as a possible lapse of judgment, attributing it to the desires of a man from another time—a time when Martini lunches and 'rub and tugs' were the cornerstones of business acumen.

I defended Robert when he frequently showed up in some custom Air Force 1s. He was an old man who had heard a Nelly song. Surely, he would not know that Jordan 1s or even Dunks were far superior shoes.

I even shrugged off the Apple TV propaganda piece he produced, "The Dynasty." It was a trash representation of two decades of dominance, but he paid for it. However, that stops now.

Now that I have learned that Mr. Kraft was actively pinching a loaf  in every punch bowl the greatest football coach of all time was attempting to sip from, I can no longer support this perverted propaganda producer who prefers a large midsole to prop him up over a clean kick.

The Score reports that RFK was very active in Bill’s coaching future as a professional reference from hell. Kraft was in contact with both the Falcons and the Commanders following their interviews with Belichick, warning them he was not to be trusted and that he was difficult and arrogant. When Bill found himself jobless, fielding offers from the sports media he had scorned, no one was as surprised as Belichick or as pleased as Kraft.

As a sports fan it is not uncommon to dislike your owner. After all they are ultimately the ones in charge. But, over the years and all the success I had come to know Mr. Kraft as a kind and wise man. After reading about his efforts to dissuade teams from hiring Bill I now see him for what he is. A guy who shows up on time for the early bird special so he can get a hand job and a blow job for 15 dollars prior to flying to the AFC championship. Mister Kraft shame on you! 

Got It: Thank You, Mike

I understand the perceived insanity of sports fandom and how an outsider could think the retiring of a play-by-play NBA commentator is insignificant, and certainly not something that would bring a tear to your eye. But, if you will allow me to share some perspective from that insanity and broaden it into something more digestible, you might understand why I was in tears during halftime of a meaningless last game of the season that featured a roster of almost entirely G Leaguers.

Mike Gorman has been with me my whole life. Mike was there when we were bad and good, when we overachieved and when we did not meet the mark. He shared our laughter, cheers, and stunned silences.

Tuning into Mike and Tommy over the years was like watching a game with your pals. One, a rational, wise man full of basketball insight who told you what he saw. The other, a hilarious, biased fan boy who told you what he felt, doling out Tommy points and accusing the officials of poor eyesight and being on the take. Mike Gorman was a captivating constant. As you get older, you realize the things and people in life that mean the most are the ones you can count on consistently being there. Mike Gorman has been there my whole life, telling me what he saw. He "got it" no notes.

Swing and a Miss

Jason Day turned heads on the course yesterday, and not because of the disappointing +3 he carded. No, it was the Malbon pants he debuted that closely resembled parachute pants from the hammer era. It's unclear if he was trying to set a new trend or just hide some shoplifted pimento cheese sandwiches. Day recently signed with Malbon, a trendy golf apparel company, after JNCO decided not to enter the golf space. A couple things were made clear from Jason Day's first round: he's not afraid to take some big swings, and he's not in contention at Augusta.

Champion Courses: Masters Menus Ranked

Hello Friends,

Birds chirping, azaleas blooming, and the welcoming docile tone of Jim Nantz. Today we return to Augusta for a tradition unlike any other. Augusta National and The Masters is truly a special event as it is the first major of the year and gets us golfers up in the Northeast from a flop wedge to a 7-wood...5-wood...okay 3-wood on a good day.

One of the most unique parts about the Masters is the Champions Dinner. Started back in 1952 by Ben Hogan, the tradition is as follows: The Tuesday prior to the tournament, the previous winner hosts all past champions at a dinner in the clubhouse, designing the entire menu and addressing their peers with a speech.

Sometimes they elect to go with something that represents their home country, like last year's winner Jon Rahm and their Chuletón a la Parrilla, and sometimes they just choose something they like, like when Phil won in '07 and just served ribs and pulled pork.

Throughout the years, there have been a variety of menus varying from the highest of high-class dishes to food you might get at the turn. Let's break down the top five since '85.

5) Coming in at number 5, I got the BBQ boys; maybe not fair to do a tie, but all three did it a little differently in their own way. First up, Ben Crenshaw, who won in a playoff in 1995 with a -14, posting a 68 on Sunday.

Ben Crenshaw, 1996: Texas barbecue.

Phil won his second Masters in 2006, beating Tim Clark by two and shooting a 69 on Sunday (nice) with his only bogey coming on 18 that day after it had been locked up. Unlike his first Champions Dinner when Phil leaned into the pomp and circumstance of the event with Lobster Ravioli, Mickelson went with something more simple and less expensive (yes, the champions pay for the dinner).

Phil Mickelson, 2007: Barbecued ribs, chicken, sausage, and pulled pork, with coleslaw.

Also, knowing what we know about Phil, you might wonder if the Steelers covering the -4 at Super Bowl XL impacted his budget.

The best to bring BBQ to Augusta National clubhouse was young Jordan Spieth, who ran away with the tournament in 2015 after a disappointing 2nd place in 2014. Spieth brought out the sides and the variety.

Jordan Spieth, 2016: Salad of local greens; main course of Texas barbecue (beef brisket, smoked half chicken, pork ribs); sides of BBQ baked beans, bacon and chive potato salad, sauteed green beans, grilled zucchini, roasted yellow squash; dessert of warm chocolate chip cookie, vanilla ice cream.

4) In the “Fore” spot we have Aussie Adam Scott, who took Angel Cabrera to the 2nd hole of a sudden-death playoff. After not going down and finshing nine under, the golfer from down under leaned into his heritage with a robust surf and turf menu.

Adam Scott, 2014: Surf-and-turf on the grill, including Moreton Bay 'bugs' (lobster). Started with an appetizer of artichoke and arugula salad with calamari. The main course of Australian Wagyu beef New York Strip steak, served with Moreton Bay lobster, sauteed spinach, onion cream mashed potatoes. Desserts of strawberry and passion fruit pavlova, Anzac biscuit, and vanilla sundae.

3) Our bronze Champions dinner is going back to Lefty, who went with a Spanish-inspired menu that featured both paella and a filet beating out Jose Olazabal's uninspired ass who just served paella in '95.

Phil Mickelson, 2011: A Spanish-themed menu with seafood paella and manchego-topped filet mignon as the entrees. Also includes a salad course, asparagus, and tortillas as sides, plus ice cream-topped apple empanada for dessert.

2) Our runner-up has to go to the GOAT at two. Young Tiger was just 21 when he set the record for the youngest Masters Champion in '97, shooting the tournament record at the time, a 270. Before all of the success and fame and Perkins waitress, the kid kept it humble with burgers, fries, and milkshakes.

Tiger Woods, 1998: Cheeseburgers, chicken sandwiches, french fries, milkshakes.

1) The best menu served at the Masters Champions Dinner is the 2022 champ Scottie Scheffler, who asked if they could just go to a Chili's instead, and when turned down, he brought the Chili's to them. I love the simple yet diverse offerings provided by Scheffler and his Scottie-style tweak to sliders (it is just fries on them).

Scottie Scheffler, 2023: Cheeseburger Sliders (served Scottie style) and Firecracker Shrimp with Sweet Thai Chili and Sriracha Mayo appetizers; Tortilla Soup – Avocado, Crispy Blue Tortilla Strips, Sour Cream, Cilantro, Lime, to start; Main course of Texas Ribeye Steak or Blackened Redfish served with Family Style Mac and Cheese, Jalapeno Creamed Corn, Fried Brussels Sprouts, Seasoned Fries; Warm Chocolate Chip Skillet Cookie with Milk and Cookies Ice Cream for dessert.

So there we have it. The best Champions menus from the last forty years. What will they dine on next year? Can Scheffler or Rahm repeat? What would Brooks serve? Can DJ repeat? would all the serving plates double as mirrors for their preferred extracurriculars? Who knows, but we are in "fore" a fun few days, Friends. Enjoy it.

More Dinners of the Past

Mascot Madness: The Purdue Boilermakers

Matt Painter and Purdue are heading to their first Final Four since 1980. Painter became the head coach of Purdue in 2005, and during his tenure, he has been to the big dance 15 times but only made the Elite Eight twice. Purdue and Painter are an easy punchline, displaying tremendous consistency in choking down the stretch. The brand of basketball they play also contributes to this, as well as Player of the Year Zach Edey, who enrages opposing fan bases with his size and propensity to draw a whistle. Is this Purdue's year? Let's look at the logos to see if they have a chance.

The earliest logos for Purdue feature Pete, an absolute unit who is delighted to spend all his live-long days working on the railroad. Updates to this logo would make Pete look meaner and more hostile, which I can understand from an intimidation standpoint, but don't mess with a classic. Purdue would update to a Train for a time, which works well as a mascot since a train symbolizes consistency, strength, and the need for a nationwide high-speed railroad. Finally, Purdue landed on the P. BORING! The current logo does nothing well and loses everything perceived as a strength of the previous two. The logo Purdue should be using if they want to bring a natty back to West Lafayette is the OG Pete, the barrel-chested beaut of yesteryear with his square cap and side-eyed smile and menacing hammer. With that face, who knows what that sicko is capable of?

Mascot Madness: NC State Wolfpack

Led by America's Sweetheart DJ Burns Jr., the Wolf Pack are this year's Cinderella, winning the ACC Tournament to steal an automatic bid and crush the hopes of bubble teams. After their improbable conference tournament run, many speculated they would simply show up to the round of 64 happy to be there. They showed up to play. While the Wolf Pack might have the strongest team name remaining, do they have the logo to win it all?

Strutting Wolf or "Tuffy" did not show up as an official logo until the last turn of the century but has been a strong presence since. I think we can quickly disqualify the cap logo that was present prior to this, it is pretty lame. Which brings us to the two wolves (no, not the ones inside you). The first seems akin to a Tex Avery wolf, tongue out like they are watching a 1950s lounge singer, and it is about to unfurl as his eyes bulge. The latest rendition is a bit more fierce, exposing its teeth in a pre-bite chomp. Between the two, I will unfortunately have to go with the most recent and more fearsome Tuffy. The early aughts Tuffy is very funny, but while you can enjoy your cartoon wolves bricked up, that is not what you want from your basketball team.

Mascot Madness: Alabama

ROLL DAMN TIDE! Alabama is the first team since Michigan State to make both the Final Four in the football playoff and in hoops. They have done it behind a group that can flat out chuck. If we learned anything last year from Darius Miles, it is that Nate Oats loves a shooter. But do they have the logo they need to win the next two games? Let's take a look at the Crimson Tide's logos over the years.

Starting back in 1954, Big Al was first pictured as an adorable red elephant holding a beer with his trunk. Awesome. Elephant trunks are extremely capable and could absolutely hold a beer (they have over 150,000 muscle units). To date, there has not been a recorded instance of a crimson elephant in the wild.

In the 1970s, the tide shifted to a more formidable Al, losing the cuteness and the brew, and adopting the A they would eventually pivot to. While this Big Al does have the look of "big mad"... I kind of miss the barley pop.

Finally, their current edition is just a simple A. This plays spectacularly on a Saturday in fall but lacks the excitement a strong hoops logo should have. Ultimately, I am going with the 1970s logo featuring both Big Al and the crimson A. What Al lacks in cartoon beer, he makes up for with hostility.

Mascot Madness: UCONN

The Final Four tips this Saturday in Phoenix with a one seed who has been rolling and is favored to repeat, a big man who has captured the nation's heart and has the footwork to wear the glass slipper, a team of shooters that's allergic to defense and addicted to offense, and a squad that has long been a March punchline led by one of the most frustrating bigs in college sports. So who wins it all? Let's take a trip down memory lane and pit their past and present logos against each other to see who will be cutting the nets.

First up, the Connecticut Huskies. Their 1960 logo is a simple sad dog facing left. While the logo is clean, it's not shocking that it only lasted one year before UConn pivoted to a cartoon smiling dog that looks less like it is owned by Michael Vick. This logo, whose owner recently discovered a pillow they destroyed, goes against the current UConn logo designed by Clint Shaner and the Nike design team's depiction of "Jonathan the Husky". Jonathan is a very good boy who exudes confidence, determination, and happiness. In our first matchup, I will be advancing the present logo Jonathan the Husky.

Sports Betting is Very Bad.. Yo, They got a league Partnership Though!

UPDATE (4/17/24) — Jontay Porter has received a lifetime Ban from the NBA. The NBA’s statement reads as follows:

As mentioned in my recent Shohei article, sports betting and sports leagues have a serious developing problem. The most recent instance of foul play involves Raptors two-way player Jontay Porter. Porter is under investigation following his performance in games on Jan. 26 and March 20 in which he played only briefly in both games before leaving citing injury. 

If you find yourself thinking, "So what, how would some scrub bench player affect the outcome of the game? And, don't the Raptors stink?" You are right. He would not, and they do. But, you would be asking the right question the wrong way.

 This probe stems from betting irregularities that were flagged by player props. A player prop is a bet made that does not involve the outcome of the game as a whole, just the production of a single player. On both January 26th and March 20th, bets were placed on Jontay Porter to be under his expected points, rebounds, and assists. The amount of money wagered on Porter exceeded prop bets made on any other NBA player on those nights. Porter was under their points, rebounds, and assists totals on both those nights after leaving those games voluntarily citing injury.

Porter has been away from the team since March 23rd citing personal reasons, however his locker has since been cleaned out. This is one of the most egregious examples of potential player involvement in game fixing since legalized sports betting became more widespread. But it is unlikely it will be the last.

AP Story

Three Phases of Football…

ORLANDO, Fla. (CB) — Offense, Defense, SPECIAL TEAMS! One of the most exciting parts of football is returning this year, the return. The NFL has adopted an XFL rule that increases player safety while discouraging touchbacks.

The major overhaul to special teams passed with a 29-3 vote and is set to begin in the 2024 season on a trial basis and will be the subject of review for renewal in 2025.

The NFL competition committee has been working to reform kick offs in the NFL for years to the point they had essentially stopped them in their entirety. Last season there were a total of 1,970 touchbacks on kickoffs and another 92 fair catches. The new rule aims to avoid any dead play with a ball caught in the field of play requiring a return.

The rule limits movement of the non ball carriers to promote player safety by limiting the “You Got JACKED UP” of yesteryear. This is how it works: ten kick coverage players will line up at the opposing 40 yard line across from at least nine blockers from the return team lined up between the 30-35 yard line (at least seven of whom must be on the 35).Movement is limited on both sides with only the kicker and two returners allowed to move until the ball hits the ground or is touched inside the 20.

Sounds confusing so lets take a look..

While there is no shortage of hardos thrilled to complain about how the NFL is putting dresses on players and showing player’s celebrity girlfriends too much. This is a good rule that brings back at least in a sense one of the most exciting plays in the sport. They will be watching, as will I. 

AP Story

The Bizarre Odyssey of Shohei Ohtani's InterBetter

Dodgers' two-way superstar and the face of Major League Baseball, Shohei Ohtani, found himself embroiled in a bizarre scandal this week involving his longtime translator and friend, Ippei Mizuhara.

 Mizuhara is alleged to have stolen upwards of $5 million dollars and paid illegal bookmakers for sports bets on international soccer, the NBA, the NFL, and college football.

What makes this story particularly odd is the way the news unfolded. On March 19th, Mizuhara told ESPN that Ohtani had paid his gambling debts at the interpreter's request. However, the very next day, Mizuhara walked it back, stating Ohtani had no knowledge of his gambling activities.

Initially, the internet was quick to speculate with hit pieces  flying out after Mizuhara balked on his claim of Ohtani's involvement. But after Mizuhara addressed the Dodgers team, most have come to believe the Japanese superstar's assertion that he was unaware of his translator's illegal activities.

What lends credibility to Ohtani's claim is the testimony of former teammates, who have shared that Shohei showed a lack of interest in virtually all sports outside of baseball. Had he truly been using Mizuhara as a go-between with an illegal sportsbook, you would think a Borussia Dortmund match would be playing on the Angel Stadium jumbotron between innings.

While the full truth remains uncertain, one thing is clear: this bizarre saga is likely just the first of many stories we'll see as legalized sports betting becomes increasingly intertwined with professional sports leagues.

AP Story